Woo Fashion!

After looking briefly at facebook and seeing all the endless statuses about meatfest and tornados and blahblahblah, I’m actually glad to be leaving this place… all the excitement was fun in past years, but I’m just kinda over it. It feels  nice to be out of the oppressive weird high-school culture of mason and on my own in my own life. I had a great shopping trip with Callan instead, and now I get to spend the night being warm, dry, and inside without an upset-drunk-stomache with Ethan and I couldn’t be happier. College was fun, but I’m so glad to know that I don’t have to get shitfaced with a lot of pseudo-friends-that-I’m-not-actually-close-to to have a social life. I really prefer the quiet life spending good time with good people without throwing up later. 

Life is good. :)

I know it’s not that big of a change to not come home for the summer… but it kinda is. I officially don’t live here anymore… which means I’m packing all of my stuff to go back to school… but actually all of it not just some because I’m not coming back this time. it’s weird. I don’t know the next time I’ll be in CT. probably soon, but who knows? it could not be until christmas.

life’s moving on. I hope I’m ready.

everyone needs to stop announcing that they’re going to grad school and loving their grad school options and blahblahblah. It’s making me nervous.

I think I finally understand what being burnt out feels like…

music just isn’t exciting anymore. It’s a challenge, and I enjoy the challenge, but… it’s just technical junk. I haven’t played something that I really connect to in a long time. blah.

I am sick of being treated like an afterthought by professors who don’t even remember that I exist half the time, when I work my ass off to play music that THEY chose for me to play, the way THEY think is right. Oh and by the way my interpretation is wrong and should be replaced immediately by theirs, even though they probably just decided spur-of-the-moment what the phrase should do and haven’t given it any thought, while I’ve been actually working through the music intensely for weeks. 

But it’s fine. I’ll be your little robot player, play everything how you want me to, without any mind of my own. Oh, and you should tell me to be more musical and dramatic, because MAYBE I was holding back because I’m so afraid of doing something that YOU won’t like. Because I have no idea anymore. 

Thanks for giving me the small amount of guidance for the month. It’s fine, blame me for all the things that I forgot to do, because guess what? I’m NOT perfect. Oh but it’s ok when you forget everything that you’re supposed to do for me because that’s how this relationship works. I have to be perfect and you can completely ignore my existence.

thank you.